Fate"
by LuckysConfusion
Summary: Ashitaka and San cope with the losses of the battle, including the loss of eachother. San tries to accept the death of Moro. Ashitaka learns the past of Lady Eboshi and the true meaning of "fate" as he and San learn together how to accept their own.


...As Ashitaka watched her leave, watched her disappear into the thick underbrush of the forest, he tried his hardest not to let a tear fall from his eyes, which had become misted over, making his vision blurry as it rested only upon the spot where San had disappeared, wondering, praying, that she would turn back. He knew that what she had said was true. She did not belong with the humans. Not only that, but it was not safe for her to be with him, being as if San had stepped a foot into Iron Town, she would have been shot immediately, and no remorse would follow as the smoke rose from the rifle that would take her life. No matter how much Ashitaka wanted her to stay in the human world, he would rather see her live alone than not live at all. 

His fist gripped the end of his shirt, twisting the material involuntarily, fighting the urge to run after her, along with his urge to cry from the pain of his heart breaking into a thousand pieces. His senses were not dulled as most men's would be in such inner turmoil, but heightened so as he could hear the workers grunting miles away from him with the effort to rebuild Iron Town, smell the iron melt as the bellows were re-created, as new weapons were forged. He could smell the blood of the bodies that had not yet been buried. He remembered how thousands of Samurai, along with Lady Eboshi's warriors, had fallen at the grasp of the Forrest Spirit. He could smell the flesh of the demon that had nearly killed both San and himself. He could smell its flesh on himself. It was a stench he knew would stay forever as a reminder of that battle. His eyes closed as the pain of seeing the destruction play over in his memory, over and over...and as his eyelids met a tear leaked from the corner of his eye, letting him release himself as Ashitaka began to cry.

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San looked straight ahead of her as she rode atop of the white wolf's back. Her face was exposed from her mask, which had broken into two even pieces at the hands of Lady Eboshi. On her face was visable the confusion inside her, the sadness at the death of her mother, Moro. She had not yet the heart to bury the body, it still lie on the bay of the lake, the place where the Forrest Spirit had taken the life he had once granted her. To San it did not matter what her kin told her. They said that inside the heart of the forest it was known that Moro's time had come. But to San, it was a cruel joke of nature, that the God she had served had taken the life of the only one who cared for her...except one other...

Ashitaka had wanted to share his life with her. He had told her in so many words, yet never would she say those words to him, she would never admit how she felt for him. She remembered how only hours before she had told him that he meant so much to her, but that was not the truth. She knew that it was more than she cared to admit. "They can't make me say it." She said this aloud, in some way making an effort to convince herself that everything in her soul was lying to her, that everything was a trick to make her believe something her mind told her could never be true. "Say what?" She looked to see her kin that she rode upon growling the words in its usual tone, somehow always threatening when there was nothing left to fight. "Nothing...never mind..." She looked away into the woods. It seemed darker now that the Forrest Spirit no longer graced its floor, and it seemed very cold and lonely without the Kodama in the trees, without Ashitaka by her side. 

As the wolf stopped, San slid off its back to stroke its soft white fur gently before looking down into the clearing. She saw below the ridge where she stood two shadowed forms. One was only a pile of bones, covered with a dark red, mud-like substance. The bones reeked of decay, even if they had lie there for only a day. The other body was Moro's. San looked at the body of the beautiful white god, Moro's fur stained with crimson blood. It only added to her regal beauty. Thousands of years of life had abandoned that body in the dark of the night, leaving it an empty shell of all the memories San's mother must have known. She thought of this as she began to scale down the ridge with ease, pouncing down the last 10 feet of the rock and landing on her feet a few yards away from the corpse. She waved her hand for her brother-wolf to follow her, and then approached the bloody shell of Moro. San kneeled beside the beautiful body and reached out a tentative hand, touching Moro's open eyes and pushing the lids to a close. Sans eyes were fixed on Moro, unable to pry her sight from her lost mother. How could the Spirit be so cruel? So cruel to Moro, so cruel to San, to the forrest itself, which sat in silent mourning for the maternal god, which had watched over them all. Even the few boars that had survived the battle wept for Moro's memory. San knew all of this. She knew her mother had meant so much to the forest...but she also knew that she had ment more to San than she had to anything else, man or beast. Her eyes looked at forrest, at Moro, at the demons bones, she saw what was really there. She saw how everything had died a little, how the forest had lost some of the majesty that had lurked withen it for so long. Everything was differant now. San herself was differant now...slowly tears began to stream down her cheeks, marring the war paint that she bore, turning the tears as red as Moro's blood.

****** ****** ******

Lady Eboshi sat in the tent that her workers had set for her, peeling the bandages from the sever wound on her left arm. How pitiful she must have seemed now to her warriors, unable to shoot even her own rifles. She had told this to Toki that morning. "Oh My Lady! Never would we think you pitiful, with one arm you could accomplish rebuilding Iron Town, which is well on its way to becoming a reality!" Eboshi had only shook her head and dismissed the girl, sitting back to ponder what she was to do. She had ordered the Lepers to design a new rifle that she could fire in her condition, but she knew that it was only a matter of time until she was rendered helpless. After all, even with the craftsmanship her workers possessed, nothing could ever make her the way she had been before. 

"...m'lady? Lady Eboshi?" A tentative male voice beckoned for her and she nodded to her guard to allow him in. As the curtain to her tent was pulled back, the worker stepped and pointed outside. "The young man is at the gates Lady, shall we allow him in?" Eboshi sat up straight and looked at the man with interest. "You mean Ashitaka?" The worker nodded. "Shall we raise the gate?" Lady Eboshi thought for a moment before replying "Yes...yes let him come to me." The worker scrambled out of her tent, yelling for the workers to raise the gate.

Moments later, she looked up to see Ashitaka enter her tent. She was a bit surprised at his appearance, for he no longer wore the tightly wrapped bandages around his now clear skinned arm, his cloak at his waist and he stood before her in the normal clothing for the men at the time. He was quite handsome, so young for such a skilled warrior. He couldn't be any older than seventeen. "Can I help you, Ashitaka?" She looked up to meet his eyes. "I just want to bid you farewell M'lady." Eboshi laughed that joking, almost cruel laugh she possessed. "Where will you go? Surely your village will not take you back..." Her eyes glinted with knowing, she knew that he did not expect her to know who he was. Ashitaka showed no hint of surprise, he knew something like what had happened to him would never stay secret for long. "I do not know where I will go." 

"You don't have anywhere to go _Prince _Ashitaka, why not stay, be my second in command. I could use a warrior like you." Her emphasis on his title made Ashitaka give her a stern look. 

"Eboshi I want no more bloodshed. I have no desire to fight."

"It's a crime against Iron Town to be deprived your skills. But if you insist on leaving, I will not stand in your way..." Eboshi's eyes glittered with spite towards his refusal. "...I'm sure your dear Mononoke girl would be devastated if you did not return to have her..._pups_...shall I say?" It was a good thing that Ashitaka no longer possessed the demon withen him, otherwise he would have slaughtered Eboshi on the spot. "San is gone." He said this very strongly, with anger in his voice. She looked at Ashitaka, searching him to see if he was lying. She had a skill for knowing honesty, and in him she found it. Her expression softened a bit, looking at the young child. "Ashitaka. We all know what you desire. It isn't war, it isn't this nomadic presense you have, its her." She looked at him with a very sincere expression, and although her eyes looked so cruel, a cold black, he could see she ment what she said. "We in the land of the Tatara clan believe in fate. Everything happens for a reason, and maybe everything for the past days happened for the reason that you found your destiny, Ashitaka. And if you run from your fate, then you will wonder aimlessly through the rest of your long life. Now you know well that I hate that child. It is her fault this happened. It is her fault my town has fallen apart. Her's and those wretched beasts. But I can not pretend that it is your fault, Ashitaka." As Eboshi fell silent, Ashitaka wondered how someone like Lady Eboshi could have known anything about those words she spoke. 

"Lady...tell me how you know such things." Lady Eboshi looked up at the young man and her eyes stared into his, wondering his intentions before speaking.

"When I was about your age, Ashitaka, I was kidnapped in the night, abducted and taken prisoner by a band of pirates. I was forced to be the mistress of the leader. Over the years I was with them, I learned absoltely everything about battle, fighting, stealing. I knew all they knew, I knew their flaws, I knew more than they did." Eboshi's face contorted with the disgust of the memories, remembering their stupidity. "One night, I took their leaders sword...and I do believe you can gather what I did. After I had killed each man, I took the supplies I needed, and abandoned the ship in a smaller boat. I believed all women were capable of what I did, so I set out to the land. I sold the pirates wepons for money, and set out freeing every brothel woman and slave I could. Then I found Iron Town." Lady Eboshi's pride swelled as she spoke the next few sentences. "The town was run by a man, he was very stupid, he had no clue what he had. The women and I overthrew him, and I took over the village. It was my fate to come here, to take charge of the most powerful civilization in the Tantara land. Just as it is your fate to find Mononoke." Ashitaka listened without expression, and nodded as she spoke the last words. Without a word, he turned on his heel and walked out of the tent.

**** **** **** ****

San fell to the ground, panting softly as the wolf fell beside her, exhausted. She looked at the path of loose earth where they had drug Moro to the spirit lake, letting her rest in its waters. Sans paint on her cheeks had run so badly from the tears that now it was a simple pair of red smudges on her cheeks. She no longer cried though, in fact, she did not believe she could cry any longer. She simply stroked her brother wolf and looked at the lake, watching her past drift away in its waters. She felt guilty now, for she had not thought of her mothers memory the entire time she had lugged the enormous body into the water, but of Ashitaka, of how lonely she realized that she was. Never before had she known such a pain inside her, for never before had she become close to another man...another human...in the way that she had Ashitaka. She felt something that she didn't feel for anyone else. It was a different kind of caring she had never known before. It wasn't the way she felt about her kin...not the way she had felt for Moro...it was somehow stronger, like a potent scent she couldn't rid herself of. "It's over San!! He is gone!! He will end up with that damn Eboshi...that's who he belongs with!!" She realized she had spoken aloud and looked to her kin to see him sleeping beside her. San stood up, leaving the wolf to sleep alone. 

She walked out into the depths of the woods, once more noticing the emptiness of the woods. As she looked up at the canopy of the leaves that blocked out the sun, with the exeption of the glimmering rays that shone through in some spots, illuminating the old oak trees, she inhaled sharlpy as something punctured deep into the sole of her foot. She cried out and jumped back quickly, looking for what had caused the sharp pain as a bit of blood began to soak through her cloth shoe. She narrowed her eyes and spotted a metallic like glitter, reaching down to push the dirt that covered most of it, her eyes widened softly as she realized what it was. "Oh my god..." As the dirt fell aside she picked up the crystal dagger that Ashitaka had given her days before, that had fallen from her neck during the battle the previous night. She stood up straight and turned it over in her palm a few times, her eyes looking it over, feeling it was very cool in her hand. Her mind was clouded over with a vivid image, watching Ashitaka take her into his arms, away from the demon. She could feel in her skin the feeling that had gone through her. It was like reliving the moment...but Ashitaka was gone now. San quickly pushed the memory away and shoved the dagger deep into her pocket. She would not admit what she felt. "No! I want nothing to do with him!" She yelled the words into the woods, once more trying to convince herself of it. The words were empty as they rang through the forest. Suddenly a voice came from behind her. It was soft and a bit deep, and so familiar...so terribly familiar... 

"You want nothing to do with who?" San spun to face the direction where the voice had come from. Her eyes widened in shock as they fell upon the form of Ashitaka, who stood just out of the dense woods so he could be seen by her, his red elk tethered to a tree nearby, noticeably panting from running with Ashitaka on his back. San took a step backwards, speechless. As she moved back, Ashitaka took a step towards her. Ashitaka's eyes were locked on hers, and no matter how she tried not to, Sans eyes could not tear themselves from Ashitaka's. "I...I told you...this cant happen...my place is here..." Her words became less confident with each syllable, not believing her words in the least. Ashitaka moved closer to her and she moved back, away from him as he did. "No, we cant, I'm not like you!" Ashitaka stopped for a moment to look at her, to look at her amazing beauty. He noticed her painted cheeks were damp and her soft brown hair fell by her face gently, her expression unsure and afraid. "San...your a human. And if you wont believe me..." He took her hand, as she struggled softly to pull away but stopped her movement as he placed her hand on his chest. "...San you cant tell me we are not alike...because I know this is the way your heart beats too." 

San was completely silent as he said these words. It was like being shocked, because something was flowing through every vein in her body. Her eyes parted from his to look at her slender hand on his chest, to look at his hand on her wrist, to look at the way their skin blended together. Slowly her eyes raised back to meet his, to see them looking still into hers, not flinching at her scent, the scent of wolves as she did not flinch as she could smell the salty scent of the humans on him. He now stood only inches away from her, his entire soul pouring from his eyes and bareing itself to her. San fought inside, trying her hardest to object to his touch, her mind screaming at her to push him away, but something else was wispering too, and the sound of it hypnotized her, just as his eyes did. She had no control anymore. She couldnt stop herself as his face got closer to hers, as his hand touched her cheek, as their eyes closed softly and the moment their lips met. She coudlnt do anything but stay close to him, to this human as the softness of his embrace entranced her, and her heart pounded in her chest. San knew in her mind what was going on. That she could not resist this human, and deep inside her another knowledge had become apparent in her, undeniable as the differance between them, that she loved him, and she knew that this human, Ashitaka, loved her.

To be continued...


End file.
